This week I want to think about the importance of making time for yourself. Sometimes dealing with everything that comes with being the partner of someone who is neurodivergent or of being neurodivergent yourself can be very overwhelming, never mind the normal pressures of life today. So taking time out to do something you really enjoy is essential.

If you know a little about autism you may have heard of special interests. Special interests are things that autistic people have a high, sometimes seemingly obsessive, level of interest about. They will often have a phenomenal amount of knowledge around this topic and can talk to you for hours about it. Doing something related to this special interest, including thinking and talking about it, brings the autistic person great joy. Special interests often develop in childhood and continue into adulthood but equally can be picked up later in life or, for some never apparent reason, can stop being a special interest without warning.

Matt has had many special interests over the time I have known him. Before he had his diagnosis I found these activities annoying. He would disappear for hours to pursue them and would not remember to eat or, if we were around, would totally ignore us whilst pursuing them. They often don’t make any sense to me – how on earth can he be interested in that is often a thought I have in regard to his special interest. However since we have known about his diagnosis I see the time he spends pursuing his special interests in a different way. During this time he is at his most relaxed and authentic. This is his respite from all the things he struggles with on a daily basis. I now see him pursuing his special interests as essential for his mental health and encourage him to spend some time every day doing it.

But where does that leave me? Whilst Matt is off pursuing his special interest am I picking up the pieces and doing all the jobs that need doing? Well, yes, I used to be. And boy did it make me resentful! But since I have realized that even though I am not autistic, I still need time for myself doing things I love, particularly because a lot of what I do during a day is hard, I have started to spend some of this time pursuing my own interests whether that be reading a book, writing, yoga or going out to some of the events I always used to turn down before. And the joy it brings to both of us to pursue these things separately has had a really positive effect on our relationship. So here’s to making time for yourself!

This blog post is short because I am currently doing precisely what I advocate and making time for myself by doing a four week intensive online course! When I thought about doing it before I started I couldn’t see how I could a) afford it or b) fit it in when I am already busy. But we found the money because we prioritized my self-care and one week in I am getting so much out of it and feeling so much more like me that finding the time hasn’t actually been a problem. Persuading myself to stop is the issue! I hope you can find a bit of time for yourself this week too.