Lessons in change and interior décor

There was only one time that I did anything major to the house without telling Matt first. Never again! It was back when we first brought our house and I was working as a teacher and had long summer holidays. One sunny summer holiday while Matt was at work, I decided to paint over the pink wallpaper that was the legacy of the child who had had the bedroom before us.  I thought a bit of paint would make it feel a bit more me whilst we decided what we were going to do with it. Off I headed to the shops and came back with a pot of paint. Bright orange paint.

The weather was so fine that I set to work with all the windows open and easily got a complete coat on and everything back straight before Matt came home.  I was all ready and waiting to see his joy and delight at my competence with a paint brush, his pride at having such a practical fiancé and admiration at my great choice of paint colours!  Suffice to say that wasn’t what happened.

At the time I had no idea why (although I would probably now admit that the orange might have been a step too far for a lot of people) but with the hindsight of diagnosis it is really obvious.

A very common thing for autistic people is finding change difficult. We now know that we need to prepare for change. Even changes that Matt wants, like putting the Christmas tree up, can feel uncomfortable to him. And there I was completely changing the bedroom without a word of warning. Now, I would always discuss anything I want to change with him first, we would make the change together so he can feel in control of it  and we would make sure we make changes when he is in a good place mentally. Change can still be a problem when we do it like this but it is no longer a trigger.

My second error was the orange. Autistic people often have sensory difficulties and Matt is particularly sensitive to the colours in the environment around him. Bright orange was overstimulating on a BIG scale – and I had put it in the room where he was meant to sleep.

After the orange bedroom incident, Matt always had the final word on décor. If you came to our house now you will find it is painted throughout in neutral colours: greys, sands, creams and pale blues. The furnishings and fabrics are similar shades. We weren’t knowingly making an environment that was less stimulating but it happened by default. Before I understood why, this was really irritating. I felt that the house didn’t  reflect me and I got angry that Matt would never consider my input. But since I have realized how affected Matt is by his environment I am glad that I let him have his way and we have a home that he finds soothing.

However recently I have realized that it is equally important that I have a space which can truly reflect me. Not everywhere, just somewhere. And now I have a cabin down at the bottom of the garden and, although it is not painted bright orange, it does let my colourful side show. And down there I can make whatever changes I want. Ironically, because it is mostly wood inside and because it really reflects the woman he loves, Matt finds it a really peaceful place to be!