I was reading an article on procrastination in writing today (I might have been using it to procrastinate about doing yoga!) and it was talking about how people were looking for easy fixes for procrastination but actually it was just a process of learning about the situation and trying things to see what works. There is no one technique that works for everyone. And I thought that actually, that is true for neurodiverse relationships too.

Since I have been writing this blog I have found that it really helps to think through issues we are facing, but also that I feel an enormous amount of pressure to have a perfect neurodiverse relationship and to give outstanding tips. Even though I have said I will write warts and all, and I do try to, I also feel that if I am giving advice then I should have it sorted. But the problem is that in a neurodiverse relationship you never have it sorted. You are constantly having to work on the communication, on understanding each other’s points of view, on not drifting away from each other and on making sure both of you are getting your needs met. There is no easy fix that you can get up in the morning and use and know that today and forever it is going to work.

And if that is true just within my marriage, how much more true is it across all the neurodiverse relationships? There is no possibility that you can read one blog, one article, one book, one website, have one conversation and miraculously fix the things that are hard. That just isn’t how it works.

If that all sounds a bit pessimistic then it is not meant to. I am not saying that our neurodiverse relationships cannot work. I am just saying that although reading other people’s tips and experiences is really helpful, they are not us, their relationships are not ours and there is no easy fix that we can discover from them. I realise that this may be shooting myself in the foot but you can’t even fix your relationship by reading my blog! The only way to make our relationships work is the hard way. Use the resources out there, blogs, articles, books, to learn and feel you aren’t alone, of course you can do that. But then go and put in the hard work of trying different things in your relationship and seeing what it is that works for you today.